A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: “I think that he is very ill.”
“I am afraid that he is dead.” said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: “I”m not dead. I”m still alive.”
“Be quiet, ” said the wife. “the doctor knows better than you!”
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I’m going to have one of those someday, his dad’s response always was Not as long as I’m alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I’m getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: I didn’t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.
That’s fine, roared the boss, but where were you Monday and Tuesday?